The boys are growing so quickly - it's so upsetting. There is part of me that can't wait for them to get bigger and enjoy the cuddles and hear "Mama" and watch them figure things out, but I love where they are. I love how tiny and pudgy they are. I love the baby face, the cooing, the giggles. They are such sweet little boys.
Mymy can now roll from belly to back and back to belly. He still gets stuck sometimes, but he's pretty much got it figured out. His newest thing is "singing" when he's tired. As we're bouncing him in his chair, he just goes "Ahhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh" until he passes out. It's so cute. It's also a great way of telling us that he's about to fall asleep. Sometimes you don't even have to look at him to know he's sleeping - he's just stopped his singing. He literally "sang" until his eyes closed one night. We have to stop ourselves from laughing sometimes. If you do wind up waking him inadvertently, he'll just look at you all confused and then close his eyes or just go back to singing.
A few days ago we were at the grocery store and Ben was putting Ducky into the stroller. When he snapped the buckle, it accidentally caught his belly. Poor lil man started crying; but I held him a little while and he was good. There's still a little red mark, but it doesn't bother him anymore. We just feel a bit extra bad because everything seems to happen to the Duck Man. He's the one who had a hard time being delivered; he's the one who couldn't breathe for 2 minutes after he was born; he's the one who got jaundice; he's the one who rolled off our bed at a month old. Poor guy. I don't think Monkey has had anything happen to him yet, it's all been Darry.
We tried green beans with the boys on Sunday. They liked them! Mikey, I think, will eat anything. He loves peas, loves green beans. I think he just likes eating. Ducky seems to like green beans a little more than peas. He'll actually open his mouth for the green beans (sometimes). When Ben was feeding him last night, he grabbed onto the spoon and pulled it into his mouth! He's such a smart boy! And while Micah will typically polish off an entire container of baby food, Darius has only done it twice - and only with the green beans. On Friday we'll try carrots. I'm assuming Monkey will like them. Not so sure about Darry yet. Mymy is so good with baby food, though. He figured it out quickly and now whines at me if I don't feed him as quickly as he'd like. Duck Man took some time figuring out that what was on the spoon was food, and he seems to eat better for his Daddy.
They love Ben so much. Darius has figured out that the sound of the door means that someone is here, and he'll usually light up as soon as Ben walks into the room (if he's mid-meltdown, Daddy's arrival doesn't rank on his list of cares at that moment). I love to watch the three of them interact. It's enough to melt your heart. Daddy Ben thrills me. Almost as much as Husband Ben. God has blessed me with the most wonderful man.
I love my guys.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
I Bet You Hate Rainbows Too
The boys' doctor's appointment went really well. They had to get their four month shots, which they weren't so thrilled about. Darius had been so very cranky the whole time we were at the doctor's; he would scream every time he was put down on the table. Turns out the poor kid was just exhausted. He fell asleep on Donna while we were waiting for the nurse to come in the shots. Darry weighs nearly 17 pounds now (16, 15.5) and Micah is almost 16 (15, 14.5). Still one pound apart, but growing so well! I asked the doctor if we needed to wait until they were doing well with cereal before starting real foods, and she said it was fine. She suggested we give them mashed banana, but I don't want to start with sweet fruits and run the risk of them not accepting vegetables. Once we left the appointment and I was scheduling the 6 month one, I requested the primary change. We're finally going to be seeing our preferred doctor, and I am so happy about it.
When Ben got home on Wednesday (the day of the appointment), I asked if he wanted to start with veggies. So the boys got their first taste of peas. They did so well! Ducky ate more than he had with cereal (though didn't finish his half of the jar), and Mymy not only ate all of his, he finished what was left of Darry's! Peas are definitely approved by the munchkins. When they got them the next morning, though, they each only ate about half of what I gave them. I think they were just tired and overly hungry when I tried, though. They both sucked down a bottle and fell asleep as soon as I took them out of their high chairs. I saved what was left of their breakfast (a little less than half the container) to give them for dinner, but we wound up skipping it. Ben's parents stopped by, since his mom is going on vacation and his dad won't take them overnight by himself. They haven't had the boys in a while, so I think they were just missing them. I would have tried the peas anyways, but Duck Man was beyond cranky. We had hung out with Auntie Nikki during the day (and she watched them while I went to my WIC appointment - we finally got the right formula on the WIC checks!!) and I wound up leaving to go home with them only because they were both being crankpots. I hadn't thought of it, but Ben's dad suggested that their legs were sore from the shots. We wound up giving both of them Tylenol and starting the tubby earlier than normal. D Man was asleep by 6:30/quarter of 7. And he slept until quarter of 8 this morning! I was shocked, but I guess he just really need to go to bed last night. They didn't really nap much during the day yesterday, so I shouldn't be so surprised.
This morning's peas went so well! Ducky probably ate about half a jar, maybe a little less, but the Monkey ate an entire container! That boy loves peas! My one complaint is that he shoves his fingers in his mouth even as the spoon is in there, but he opens his mouth for the spoon and swallows easily. Darius is still figuring it out, but he's getting better. I think he may have been too full when we started because he'd had 6 ounces of formula about half an hour before we started the peas. After watching Mikey take 6-7 spoonfuls, Dar ate 2 more himself. I think seeing how much Monkey likes it helps to convince him that it's good.
I'm so excited to try the next vegetable! I'll probably wait until about Monday before trying anything else.
When Ben got home on Wednesday (the day of the appointment), I asked if he wanted to start with veggies. So the boys got their first taste of peas. They did so well! Ducky ate more than he had with cereal (though didn't finish his half of the jar), and Mymy not only ate all of his, he finished what was left of Darry's! Peas are definitely approved by the munchkins. When they got them the next morning, though, they each only ate about half of what I gave them. I think they were just tired and overly hungry when I tried, though. They both sucked down a bottle and fell asleep as soon as I took them out of their high chairs. I saved what was left of their breakfast (a little less than half the container) to give them for dinner, but we wound up skipping it. Ben's parents stopped by, since his mom is going on vacation and his dad won't take them overnight by himself. They haven't had the boys in a while, so I think they were just missing them. I would have tried the peas anyways, but Duck Man was beyond cranky. We had hung out with Auntie Nikki during the day (and she watched them while I went to my WIC appointment - we finally got the right formula on the WIC checks!!) and I wound up leaving to go home with them only because they were both being crankpots. I hadn't thought of it, but Ben's dad suggested that their legs were sore from the shots. We wound up giving both of them Tylenol and starting the tubby earlier than normal. D Man was asleep by 6:30/quarter of 7. And he slept until quarter of 8 this morning! I was shocked, but I guess he just really need to go to bed last night. They didn't really nap much during the day yesterday, so I shouldn't be so surprised.
This morning's peas went so well! Ducky probably ate about half a jar, maybe a little less, but the Monkey ate an entire container! That boy loves peas! My one complaint is that he shoves his fingers in his mouth even as the spoon is in there, but he opens his mouth for the spoon and swallows easily. Darius is still figuring it out, but he's getting better. I think he may have been too full when we started because he'd had 6 ounces of formula about half an hour before we started the peas. After watching Mikey take 6-7 spoonfuls, Dar ate 2 more himself. I think seeing how much Monkey likes it helps to convince him that it's good.
I'm so excited to try the next vegetable! I'll probably wait until about Monday before trying anything else.
Aw, peas!
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
You'd Better Change It Back Or We Will Both Be Sorry
I've had so much on my mind that I wanted to write about, but of course I've forgotten just about all of it. I really need to start keeping a little notepad with me, so I can write things down. Not just for this, but for everything in life - tasks I want to accomplish, things we need at the store, funny stories I want to tell Ben (these I usually remember once we've gotten into bed and are ready to go to sleep). As my mommy friends have agreed, pregnancy brain sticks around after the baby is born. I swear they steal your brain cells so that you're just a little more stupid once they're here. And I've heard it gets worse with each one. I think for the safety of my brain, I need to not have any more kids...
The boys are growing so fast. I can't believe they're almost 5 months old! Darius is still the little bruiser. He's my gross motor boy. Not only does he flip from back to belly and belly to back, I watched him pull himself forward on his arms the other day. I swear this child is going to be crawling any day now. He loves to jump when you've got him standing on your lap. It makes him absolutely crack up laughing. I had him leaning back on my arm so I could feed him, and he actually sat up on his own. Of course, the effort of pulling himself into a sitting position with his stomach muscles used a little too much momentum and he went flopping forward. But I'm pretty sure he'll be sitting on his own soon too. The one problem with him being able to roll over is that he sometimes smacks his head on the floor when he goes from belly to back. This kid has got to have one tough noggin. And his newest thing is to wake up at all hours of the night and talk to himself. Then he rolls over and goes back to sleep. It's so cute. And as long as he's quiet, I'm good. Ben's heard it more than I have; I sleep through it. Sometimes when he talks, he sounds like a duck. He's got such a low voice for a baby! Mikey's is higher pitched, and D's got this slight gravely-ness to his voice. I love to hear him chatter.
Lil Mymy has figured out how to flip from his belly to his back, and can go from back to belly only when he's in his bouncy chair. We have to buckle him in whenever he sits in it. I'm so nervous he'll wind up rolling completely out of the chair. He still chatters up a storm, though Ducky has caught up to his babbling. They'll talk to each other if they're facing each other lying down, but I haven't seen them do it while in chairs. The one problem with having a social-emotional child is that he wants to be involved in everything. He hates when you leave him alone (though now his brother is an acceptable playmate. Unlike before, he'll be ok if you put the two of them in a playpen and leave the room), and he is now fighting sleep like you wouldn't believe. It took an hour to get him to go down last night. We've had to resort to cry-it-out on occasion. As long as we know he's fed and dry and safe, it has to be done. He'll eventually learn that bedtime is bedtime and there's no changing that. At least I hope so. His new thing is to scream bloody murder at the drop of a hat. It's his new cry - beyond high pitched and makes you feel like your ears are about to bleed. In fact he was sleeping in his bouncy and startled himself awake. He immediately began screaming so much that I thought he was in pain. But once I picked him up, he stopped and settled back to sleep. I hate when he cries like that. There was one day that he did it so much I was ready to take him to the hospital. It sounds just like the pain cry they used to have. I really hope he gets over crying like that. It's awful.
I've tried cereal a couple more times, but they don't seem to like it much. I can't get them to even take a tablespoon of it in one sitting. I know it's not a necessity for them to eat solids yet, but I want to give them new experiences. I don't like that they pretty much go through the same thing everyday. I know babies love repetition, but I know that new things help their brains develop. We're going to the doctor today for their four month check up and shots (5 days before they turn 5 months. Don't get me started on this), and I'm going to ask if they have to be on cereal for a full week before we start with vegetables. I'm wondering if flavor will get them more interested. And they've had cereal in their bottles for quite a while now, so it's not like they haven't experienced it at all. I also need to ask about poor Duck Man's back. It's so dry and almost scaly. I don't know if it's a rash or just really bad dry skin, but I'm hoping we can do something about it. Ben thinks it's heat rash. I suppose it's possible, but I didn't think it had gotten hot enough for that to happen.
The boys are so young, but already our summer is so busy! We've got birthdays coming up, staycations with the church, beach days... and, of course, Bing and Erin's wedding (squee!). I can't even imagine how much busier summers will be when they get older. I love my little men, but I'm so excited for when they're older and we can go on vacations and make memories. There's great things about every age. Ben says that in his mind they're 20 and moved out, but I think that's just him joking. They're at the age where we can (kind of) play with them, and get them to laugh, and I know he loves that. He comes home and immediately picks one of them up and just holds him for a while. In fact, when they stayed with my parents this weekend, Ben said he missed them when he woke up the next morning. He's started taking them for walks after dinner. I know he loves his boys. And I think as they get older, it will just get easier to love them. Each stage will bring something new to adore, and we'll get to relive things as they experience them for the first time. I can't wait to take them to the aquarium or the zoo or museums. I can't wait to see their eyes light up for the first time (though the concentration face is so adorable right now). I love my boys. Helping them grow is so fun, and I know it's just going to get better.
The boys are growing so fast. I can't believe they're almost 5 months old! Darius is still the little bruiser. He's my gross motor boy. Not only does he flip from back to belly and belly to back, I watched him pull himself forward on his arms the other day. I swear this child is going to be crawling any day now. He loves to jump when you've got him standing on your lap. It makes him absolutely crack up laughing. I had him leaning back on my arm so I could feed him, and he actually sat up on his own. Of course, the effort of pulling himself into a sitting position with his stomach muscles used a little too much momentum and he went flopping forward. But I'm pretty sure he'll be sitting on his own soon too. The one problem with him being able to roll over is that he sometimes smacks his head on the floor when he goes from belly to back. This kid has got to have one tough noggin. And his newest thing is to wake up at all hours of the night and talk to himself. Then he rolls over and goes back to sleep. It's so cute. And as long as he's quiet, I'm good. Ben's heard it more than I have; I sleep through it. Sometimes when he talks, he sounds like a duck. He's got such a low voice for a baby! Mikey's is higher pitched, and D's got this slight gravely-ness to his voice. I love to hear him chatter.
Lil Mymy has figured out how to flip from his belly to his back, and can go from back to belly only when he's in his bouncy chair. We have to buckle him in whenever he sits in it. I'm so nervous he'll wind up rolling completely out of the chair. He still chatters up a storm, though Ducky has caught up to his babbling. They'll talk to each other if they're facing each other lying down, but I haven't seen them do it while in chairs. The one problem with having a social-emotional child is that he wants to be involved in everything. He hates when you leave him alone (though now his brother is an acceptable playmate. Unlike before, he'll be ok if you put the two of them in a playpen and leave the room), and he is now fighting sleep like you wouldn't believe. It took an hour to get him to go down last night. We've had to resort to cry-it-out on occasion. As long as we know he's fed and dry and safe, it has to be done. He'll eventually learn that bedtime is bedtime and there's no changing that. At least I hope so. His new thing is to scream bloody murder at the drop of a hat. It's his new cry - beyond high pitched and makes you feel like your ears are about to bleed. In fact he was sleeping in his bouncy and startled himself awake. He immediately began screaming so much that I thought he was in pain. But once I picked him up, he stopped and settled back to sleep. I hate when he cries like that. There was one day that he did it so much I was ready to take him to the hospital. It sounds just like the pain cry they used to have. I really hope he gets over crying like that. It's awful.
I've tried cereal a couple more times, but they don't seem to like it much. I can't get them to even take a tablespoon of it in one sitting. I know it's not a necessity for them to eat solids yet, but I want to give them new experiences. I don't like that they pretty much go through the same thing everyday. I know babies love repetition, but I know that new things help their brains develop. We're going to the doctor today for their four month check up and shots (5 days before they turn 5 months. Don't get me started on this), and I'm going to ask if they have to be on cereal for a full week before we start with vegetables. I'm wondering if flavor will get them more interested. And they've had cereal in their bottles for quite a while now, so it's not like they haven't experienced it at all. I also need to ask about poor Duck Man's back. It's so dry and almost scaly. I don't know if it's a rash or just really bad dry skin, but I'm hoping we can do something about it. Ben thinks it's heat rash. I suppose it's possible, but I didn't think it had gotten hot enough for that to happen.
The boys are so young, but already our summer is so busy! We've got birthdays coming up, staycations with the church, beach days... and, of course, Bing and Erin's wedding (squee!). I can't even imagine how much busier summers will be when they get older. I love my little men, but I'm so excited for when they're older and we can go on vacations and make memories. There's great things about every age. Ben says that in his mind they're 20 and moved out, but I think that's just him joking. They're at the age where we can (kind of) play with them, and get them to laugh, and I know he loves that. He comes home and immediately picks one of them up and just holds him for a while. In fact, when they stayed with my parents this weekend, Ben said he missed them when he woke up the next morning. He's started taking them for walks after dinner. I know he loves his boys. And I think as they get older, it will just get easier to love them. Each stage will bring something new to adore, and we'll get to relive things as they experience them for the first time. I can't wait to take them to the aquarium or the zoo or museums. I can't wait to see their eyes light up for the first time (though the concentration face is so adorable right now). I love my boys. Helping them grow is so fun, and I know it's just going to get better.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Penny For Your Thoughts, Oh No, I'll Sell Them For A Dollar
I don't like when it takes me a while to get to blog again. I feel like there are so many things that I intended to write that I just forget. But every time I wanted to, one or both of my little men decided to act up and need Mommy's attention.
They seem to be doing well on the medication. It's been nearly 2 weeks, and while they are eating more than they had been, they're still not quite to where they need to be. Two days they got about 27 ounces, which was awesome, but we haven't seen that for a while. I think yesterday they were both around 22/24. Then again, they had been in the nursery at church in the morning, and I think that if they had been at home we would have wound up feeding them more. I don't blame the nursery workers, though. They had 7 or 8 kids in there! I can't ask them to concentrate on my two when they've got so many to look after! Including another set of twins!
I'm hoping that we'll just keep getting better as far as intake is concerned. I'm trying my hardest not to stress about it. While I want them to get to the 30/32 ounce minimum, I know that they are gaining weight properly. As long as they're not staying the same or losing, I'm not going to freak out. Mainly because when I do, I tend to force-feed, and I don't want the boys to learn to eat when they're not hungry. I know it's a problem with formula fed babies, and if they learn the American way of eating not solely based on hunger, then they will have a higher risk of childhood obesity and juvenile diabetes. And I don't even want to think about going down that road. If I'm stressed out now, I can't even imagine how I would be then!
Saturday night I was taking Ducky out of the tub and I had him standing while I held his hands. His feet slipped backwards and his face smacked into the lip of the tub wall. One moment of shock and the screaming started. I was surprisingly calm and just set to calming him. When I pulled him from my shoulder, I saw the blood coming from his mouth. Poor little boy. Everything seems to happen to him. He was the one who had a hard time being delivered (and wound up with a bruise that covered his entire forehead from the vacuum), and he was the one to roll off the bed at only a few weeks. It just seems like if anyone is going to get hurt, it's my Duck Man. Ben came in and took him from me (only because he thought I would be freaking out) and told me to go feed Mymy. Darius seemed to calm right down once Daddy had him. Ben checked his mouth, and said that there was a cut where his upper lip met the gums. While I wasn't too worried about it, Ben was concerned about the risk of infection, so I called the pediatrician. Whoever it was that called me back said that the risk of infection in the mouth is very low, and it will show by fever, redness, or swelling in the first 48 hours. He then said that we would be fine to treat at home with a cold compress and Tylenol. My first encounter with my son bleeding, and I think I handled it pretty well.
Of course, that got me upset later. I wound up crying to Ben that I fear I don't love them enough. After all, if I was a "normal" Mommy, I'd have been freaking out that he was hurt ... wouldn't I? While I do have my head-over-heels-crazy-parent-love moments with them, they are not a consistent, or even daily thing. I guess my biggest fear right now is that they will grow to feel that I don't love them. When I was hanging out with Cassie on Friday, I told her how we're going to Bing and Erin's wedding at Loon Mountain in August, and we're going to have to stay 2 nights because of the minimums the hotels have, so the boys will be spending the weekend at Granny Grace and Grampy Jack's. She was in shock that I would leave them for the weekend, and asked how I could do it. For me, it's such an exciting thing. I can't wait to have a whole weekend for just me and Ben. I explained that we've had a baby free night at least once a week since the boys have been born, so I'm pretty much used to it. Of course, this is the first time we'll actually be going away instead of just being at home, so I really have no idea how I'll be when I'm so far from them. ... But that's part of what makes me question myself. If I "truly" loved them, wouldn't I be anxious about leaving them for a weekend? Or is it that I've had so many nights without them to prep myself for the prospect of going away? I've never been a parent before, so I can only judge by how I've seen others do it. I know everyone is different, but I worry that I'm not doing anything right. Even loving my kids.
My main prayer for right now is that if I were to be able to bond more easily to another child, or feel "in-love" with them all the time, or just overall have an easier time loving on them, that God would not give us any more children. As much as I have that dream of a daughter in the back of my head (and God knows the desire to have a little girl), I would rather go without her than to have one or both of my sons feel that I love her more than them. Or even if we were to wind up with another boy, I don't want either of them to think that I love their little brother more than them. I know the dynamic is completely different with each of your children, but I don't ever want to hurt Mikey or Darius by having them feel that I love someone else more than them. So that is the cry of my heart right now - Lord, do not give us any more children if I will have an easier time feeling my love for them.
I really do stress about everything...
Saturday was the fifth Particle Accelerator. It was, unfortunately, a dreary and cold day. We didn't have as good a turnout as last year, but it still seemed to go well. My dad wrote a song called "Choose Life" and performed it at the event. It was beautiful, and I cried from the first line. He had been so nervous, since he hadn't performed in about 15 years, but he did an absolutely amazing job. I'm hoping he'll sing it again next year. :)
I think I've babbled long enough. Since the boys are sleeping, I may try to do a little reading. Ben had gotten me so many books for Mother's Day, and I haven't gotten through a single one. Father's Day is this Sunday! I'm so excited. :)
They seem to be doing well on the medication. It's been nearly 2 weeks, and while they are eating more than they had been, they're still not quite to where they need to be. Two days they got about 27 ounces, which was awesome, but we haven't seen that for a while. I think yesterday they were both around 22/24. Then again, they had been in the nursery at church in the morning, and I think that if they had been at home we would have wound up feeding them more. I don't blame the nursery workers, though. They had 7 or 8 kids in there! I can't ask them to concentrate on my two when they've got so many to look after! Including another set of twins!
I'm hoping that we'll just keep getting better as far as intake is concerned. I'm trying my hardest not to stress about it. While I want them to get to the 30/32 ounce minimum, I know that they are gaining weight properly. As long as they're not staying the same or losing, I'm not going to freak out. Mainly because when I do, I tend to force-feed, and I don't want the boys to learn to eat when they're not hungry. I know it's a problem with formula fed babies, and if they learn the American way of eating not solely based on hunger, then they will have a higher risk of childhood obesity and juvenile diabetes. And I don't even want to think about going down that road. If I'm stressed out now, I can't even imagine how I would be then!
Saturday night I was taking Ducky out of the tub and I had him standing while I held his hands. His feet slipped backwards and his face smacked into the lip of the tub wall. One moment of shock and the screaming started. I was surprisingly calm and just set to calming him. When I pulled him from my shoulder, I saw the blood coming from his mouth. Poor little boy. Everything seems to happen to him. He was the one who had a hard time being delivered (and wound up with a bruise that covered his entire forehead from the vacuum), and he was the one to roll off the bed at only a few weeks. It just seems like if anyone is going to get hurt, it's my Duck Man. Ben came in and took him from me (only because he thought I would be freaking out) and told me to go feed Mymy. Darius seemed to calm right down once Daddy had him. Ben checked his mouth, and said that there was a cut where his upper lip met the gums. While I wasn't too worried about it, Ben was concerned about the risk of infection, so I called the pediatrician. Whoever it was that called me back said that the risk of infection in the mouth is very low, and it will show by fever, redness, or swelling in the first 48 hours. He then said that we would be fine to treat at home with a cold compress and Tylenol. My first encounter with my son bleeding, and I think I handled it pretty well.
Of course, that got me upset later. I wound up crying to Ben that I fear I don't love them enough. After all, if I was a "normal" Mommy, I'd have been freaking out that he was hurt ... wouldn't I? While I do have my head-over-heels-crazy-parent-love moments with them, they are not a consistent, or even daily thing. I guess my biggest fear right now is that they will grow to feel that I don't love them. When I was hanging out with Cassie on Friday, I told her how we're going to Bing and Erin's wedding at Loon Mountain in August, and we're going to have to stay 2 nights because of the minimums the hotels have, so the boys will be spending the weekend at Granny Grace and Grampy Jack's. She was in shock that I would leave them for the weekend, and asked how I could do it. For me, it's such an exciting thing. I can't wait to have a whole weekend for just me and Ben. I explained that we've had a baby free night at least once a week since the boys have been born, so I'm pretty much used to it. Of course, this is the first time we'll actually be going away instead of just being at home, so I really have no idea how I'll be when I'm so far from them. ... But that's part of what makes me question myself. If I "truly" loved them, wouldn't I be anxious about leaving them for a weekend? Or is it that I've had so many nights without them to prep myself for the prospect of going away? I've never been a parent before, so I can only judge by how I've seen others do it. I know everyone is different, but I worry that I'm not doing anything right. Even loving my kids.
My main prayer for right now is that if I were to be able to bond more easily to another child, or feel "in-love" with them all the time, or just overall have an easier time loving on them, that God would not give us any more children. As much as I have that dream of a daughter in the back of my head (and God knows the desire to have a little girl), I would rather go without her than to have one or both of my sons feel that I love her more than them. Or even if we were to wind up with another boy, I don't want either of them to think that I love their little brother more than them. I know the dynamic is completely different with each of your children, but I don't ever want to hurt Mikey or Darius by having them feel that I love someone else more than them. So that is the cry of my heart right now - Lord, do not give us any more children if I will have an easier time feeling my love for them.
I really do stress about everything...
Saturday was the fifth Particle Accelerator. It was, unfortunately, a dreary and cold day. We didn't have as good a turnout as last year, but it still seemed to go well. My dad wrote a song called "Choose Life" and performed it at the event. It was beautiful, and I cried from the first line. He had been so nervous, since he hadn't performed in about 15 years, but he did an absolutely amazing job. I'm hoping he'll sing it again next year. :)
I think I've babbled long enough. Since the boys are sleeping, I may try to do a little reading. Ben had gotten me so many books for Mother's Day, and I haven't gotten through a single one. Father's Day is this Sunday! I'm so excited. :)
Friday, June 3, 2011
By research, do you mean Glamour magazine? Because I read that article, too.
What a crazy week it's been. Last weekend my mum came up to visit with us, and she is a force of nature! For four days she was a whirlwind and accomplished more than we could have in a week. I can't believe the mountains of laundry that she did, the pile of dishes, steam-cleaning the floors (so they are also sterilized), and general tidying. Our bedroom looks fantastic. The bathroom is amazing. I love having a fresh, clean kitchen. There is still some de-cluttering that needs to be done, but I am so appreciative of how wonderful she made the apartment look.
The first day she came up we went to get portraits done at Sears. I, of course, dressed the boys in their pirate skull onesies from John and Melissa, and they looked AWESOME in them! We got some of the cutest pictures. Mum insisted we go back Sunday (since we'd had more prints to pick out) with the boys in different outfits because she wanted a certain pose. She admitted afterward that she wanted them in non-pirate wear for the picture she wanted to hang. I still prefer my pirate boys. (I can't wait for their hair to be long enough to faux-hawk!)
For the boys' first Memorial Day, it rained all morning. It was a disappointment because they cancelled the parade. I wanted to take them to it, and it was the first year that Particle Accelerator would have a float. Ben's family was disappointed. I can't believe Particle is one week away. And it's the fifth year running! I can only hope that it does better than ever (last year was the best year yet!). I don't know how many people they've reached, but I truly believe that many people are touched and saved by the benefit concert to raise money for suicide prevention and awareness. This is the first year that Sam's family will be a part of it. It's going to be a hard day for them. I hope my mother-in-law can help Ginny. They just had to go through their fourth anniversary of Jack's death. It will never be easier, but somehow it becomes more tolerable. At least I hope so. It would have been his 31st birthday...
Anyways, Tuesday we had Liz and Natalya-Rose's baby sprinkle! She is such a beautiful baby. The boys were mostly behaved, but it was outside and hot, and they don't appreciate being too warm. Those two hours were great, though. It was almost like having a mini mom's group! Missy was a wonderful hostess, and she really pulled off a great event. (Of course, I brought the brownies and cookies while everyone else had fruit dishes!! I laughed about it later with Ben.)
Wednesday the boys did not do well with eating. Ben came home, and Micah had only had 8 1/2 ounces of formula, while Darius had only had 11. I called the pediatrician and they had us come in at 7:30. I couldn't believe how much they spat up while we were there. I had never seen them spit up like that. They were super grumpy, since it was bedtime, but they did well. We left the appointment surprised to find that even with their eating issues, the boys had gained a pound each in two weeks, and with medication (FINALLY) for them! We're on day two of the meds, and I'm not sure yet how they're doing. I was told by a friend that it can take a week to work, so I'm willing to give it time. For now we're keeping the upper GI appointments (to rule out any anatomy issues) and praying that the Zantac will work for them. They didn't eat so well yesterday, but it was definitely better than the day before. And Mikey wouldn't settle in the middle of the night (after having 7 1/2 ounces before bed! He hasn't eaten like that in a long time!) so Ben got up and fed him another 4 ounces. I hope things get better for them. I hate when they're not feeling well.
I'm surprised I was able to get all this down. I thought I'd have to step away from the blog to tend to the boys, as they hadn't woken yet and it's after 6. But I hear Ducky chirping in his crib, so I guess I've finished right on time!
The first day she came up we went to get portraits done at Sears. I, of course, dressed the boys in their pirate skull onesies from John and Melissa, and they looked AWESOME in them! We got some of the cutest pictures. Mum insisted we go back Sunday (since we'd had more prints to pick out) with the boys in different outfits because she wanted a certain pose. She admitted afterward that she wanted them in non-pirate wear for the picture she wanted to hang. I still prefer my pirate boys. (I can't wait for their hair to be long enough to faux-hawk!)
For the boys' first Memorial Day, it rained all morning. It was a disappointment because they cancelled the parade. I wanted to take them to it, and it was the first year that Particle Accelerator would have a float. Ben's family was disappointed. I can't believe Particle is one week away. And it's the fifth year running! I can only hope that it does better than ever (last year was the best year yet!). I don't know how many people they've reached, but I truly believe that many people are touched and saved by the benefit concert to raise money for suicide prevention and awareness. This is the first year that Sam's family will be a part of it. It's going to be a hard day for them. I hope my mother-in-law can help Ginny. They just had to go through their fourth anniversary of Jack's death. It will never be easier, but somehow it becomes more tolerable. At least I hope so. It would have been his 31st birthday...
Anyways, Tuesday we had Liz and Natalya-Rose's baby sprinkle! She is such a beautiful baby. The boys were mostly behaved, but it was outside and hot, and they don't appreciate being too warm. Those two hours were great, though. It was almost like having a mini mom's group! Missy was a wonderful hostess, and she really pulled off a great event. (Of course, I brought the brownies and cookies while everyone else had fruit dishes!! I laughed about it later with Ben.)
Wednesday the boys did not do well with eating. Ben came home, and Micah had only had 8 1/2 ounces of formula, while Darius had only had 11. I called the pediatrician and they had us come in at 7:30. I couldn't believe how much they spat up while we were there. I had never seen them spit up like that. They were super grumpy, since it was bedtime, but they did well. We left the appointment surprised to find that even with their eating issues, the boys had gained a pound each in two weeks, and with medication (FINALLY) for them! We're on day two of the meds, and I'm not sure yet how they're doing. I was told by a friend that it can take a week to work, so I'm willing to give it time. For now we're keeping the upper GI appointments (to rule out any anatomy issues) and praying that the Zantac will work for them. They didn't eat so well yesterday, but it was definitely better than the day before. And Mikey wouldn't settle in the middle of the night (after having 7 1/2 ounces before bed! He hasn't eaten like that in a long time!) so Ben got up and fed him another 4 ounces. I hope things get better for them. I hate when they're not feeling well.
I'm surprised I was able to get all this down. I thought I'd have to step away from the blog to tend to the boys, as they hadn't woken yet and it's after 6. But I hear Ducky chirping in his crib, so I guess I've finished right on time!
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
I Fear You Are Underestimating The Sneakiness, Sir
I finally got some kind of answer about the boys' upper GIs. After waiting until Thursday to start my daily calls (after the appointment had been on Monday...), and getting "oh, I see you've already called" on Friday (ugh! Yes, I already called. But no one called me back. Do you not understand the I'm going to call til I get an answer thing? Cuz I'm sure I'm not the first Mom to try it!), I decided to try being a little sneaky on Monday. (You know, cuz it's not like I'd been waiting a whole week for some kind of answer...) Since the boys are four months on Friday (SOB!) I called the ped center to ask about feedings. When the nurse called me back (since they always answer for a question like that) I asked her if it would be ok to start cereal, since that's the age I had been reading online was the typical start time. She said it should be fine, then asked a few questions. When she asked if they spat up, I told her that we think they have acid reflux and are waiting for upper GI appointments. She said that they don't suggest starting cereal until that is figured out, because it can make it worse (which is weird, since they tell you to put cereal in their bottles...), and then said she would look into the appointments for me. When she called back a few hours later, she told me that she'd sent the referral to UMASS (a whole week and they hadn't even sent the referral yet!!! ARGH!) and to give them until the end of this week to contact me to make the appointment. So at least we're getting somewhere. I'm still beyond frustrated though. At least she gave me their number, so I can call them Friday. I just want to get the boys seen. I hate this.
So, a little sneakiness paid off. I don't care. I'll do what I have to to take care of my boys. Speaking of which, Monkey's getting fussy so I think he needs to eat. SUPER SHORT BLOOOOOOGGGG! Yeah... later.
So, a little sneakiness paid off. I don't care. I'll do what I have to to take care of my boys. Speaking of which, Monkey's getting fussy so I think he needs to eat. SUPER SHORT BLOOOOOOGGGG! Yeah... later.
Friday, May 20, 2011
"I'm not tossing the baby out with the bathwater here" "I've totally done that"
Again, it's been a while since I've posted. This time due more to stress than anything else. We've been having such issues with the boys. I took them to the doctor (since they've had this cold for well over a month, and all the issues we're having with feedings) and she gave us nebulizers to break up the congestion of the cold, and wants to make appointments for upper GIs to diagnose reflux in the babies. Due to my history of moderate to severe acid reflux, she's pretty sure that's what it is, but we have to wait for the tests in order to get any kind of medicine. As of right now, we don't even have a date on the appointment. I'm calling them every day until I get some kind of resolution. I don't even know what STATE the appointment will be in. They may send us out of state to one of the bigger hospitals. I'm just so upset, because they are having such problems. Ben nearly drove Darius to the ER the other day, because the boy was screaming in pain for so long. It's a fight to get them to eat, and yesterday they only had about 20 ounces. That's it. I've been told at this age the minimum they should be eating is 30. What am I supposed to do? If I try to feed them when they aren't crying for it, they will not eat. Even when they ARE crying for it, they don't eat much. I'm so frustrated. I worry about their brains developing properly, about their growth. If I can't get them to take at least 6 ounces before going to bed, they're up every hour. We have to keep going down and giving them their binkies. And they fall right back to sleep. So it's not even like we could feed them more. They'd just pass out in the first few sips.
I'm getting run down. My lungs started hurting again, I wake with a headache (today was migraine level pain) just about every day, I'm getting body aches - maybe from getting sick, or perhaps just how I'm sleeping. When I actually sleep, I fall so quickly into such a deep sleep that my body doesn't move. I'll usually turn over a few times during the night, which I think keeps my muscles a little loose. When I stay in the same position all night, I wake up feeling sore and hurt all day long. I've gotten to the point where I'm sleeping through them crying because I'm just that tired, and poor Ben jumps up to take care of them until he's so wiped he has to wake me. This morning he came to wake me up because Micah was at the point of hunger and not just fussy for a binky, and I was in so much pain from my headache, and it felt like I'd only slept a few hours. I truly thought it was midnight. I looked at the clock and saw it was 4:45 - normal wake up time for one of them. I'd slept all night, and it felt like I hadn't really slept at all. It was a bad morning. Mikey ate fine, but then was awake and just so babbly. All I wanted was for him to go back to bed so I could try to get a few more hours and hopefully be more awake/in less pain by the time I got up again. At 5:30, he was ready to go back to bed, so I got him down, laid down myself, and slept another one and a half hours. My headache is less, but still so very there, and both boys are currently napping again.
We've tried cereal in the bottles to help with the spit up/reflux, but then the problem was that the nipples would get clogged, and they would scream out of hunger and frustration. Ben bought cereal nipples, and they couldn't suck hard enough to get the Y-cut to open. Again, screams of hunger and frustration. No more cereal in the bottles, but they only have really bad spit up on occasion. They'll spit up almost every feeding, but it seems to be less (especially since they're on the soy - the doctor wants them to stay on soy for now). The biggest problem we have with them (especially at night - I read that GERD symptoms tend to be worse at night, joy) is the arching and pain cries. Ducky usually does the screaming, Mikey just arches so bad he nearly tosses himself out of your arms/the chair (he would if he wasn't strapped in), and doesn't want to eat. Infants with GERD either want to eat all the time (it soothes the pain as they're sucking) or very little (the food agitates the reflux). It seems like they go back and forth with it, but mostly don't want to eat. They're gaining weight ok, and I think that makes the doctor feel like it's a slight enough case that they can take their time with it. I'm sorry, but hearing my kids scream and watching them arch so much I wonder if they're going to snap in half is NOT something I can keep doing day after day! I know what it's like to have a fire in your chest. To be so hungry it starts the reflux, and then have it continue because you've eaten. They're just babies. They shouldn't have to suffer. I'm so upset, but I can't make them give me medicine. But I can call them day after day until they get so annoyed they give me the appointment. The boys need to be seen. I need to have them not be in pain all the time.
The weather is not helping. I want to take them outside on walks - get us all some fresh air and get me out of cabin fever mode. But the dreary, rainy, somewhat chilly weather keeps us homebound and I hate it. I hate being cooped up. Adding insult to injury, it just makes me antsy and, I feel, tends to make me get frustrated easier. I have no outlet except for complaining on facebook, and don't get me started on that. I hate feeling like all I do is tell the world I hate my children. I love them, but what we're going through is stressful and I don't know how to handle it. I honestly think that some of my FB friends think I hate my kids. I just need to get it out, for fear I'll explode otherwise. Maybe facebook isn't the best outlet, but I don't think feel like I have any other way.
This is just a phase. It will come to an end. I keep reminding myself that this will not last forever, even though it feels like it will sometimes. Eventually this will just be a memory. One day the boys won't scream every time they eat. ... One day...
I'm getting run down. My lungs started hurting again, I wake with a headache (today was migraine level pain) just about every day, I'm getting body aches - maybe from getting sick, or perhaps just how I'm sleeping. When I actually sleep, I fall so quickly into such a deep sleep that my body doesn't move. I'll usually turn over a few times during the night, which I think keeps my muscles a little loose. When I stay in the same position all night, I wake up feeling sore and hurt all day long. I've gotten to the point where I'm sleeping through them crying because I'm just that tired, and poor Ben jumps up to take care of them until he's so wiped he has to wake me. This morning he came to wake me up because Micah was at the point of hunger and not just fussy for a binky, and I was in so much pain from my headache, and it felt like I'd only slept a few hours. I truly thought it was midnight. I looked at the clock and saw it was 4:45 - normal wake up time for one of them. I'd slept all night, and it felt like I hadn't really slept at all. It was a bad morning. Mikey ate fine, but then was awake and just so babbly. All I wanted was for him to go back to bed so I could try to get a few more hours and hopefully be more awake/in less pain by the time I got up again. At 5:30, he was ready to go back to bed, so I got him down, laid down myself, and slept another one and a half hours. My headache is less, but still so very there, and both boys are currently napping again.
We've tried cereal in the bottles to help with the spit up/reflux, but then the problem was that the nipples would get clogged, and they would scream out of hunger and frustration. Ben bought cereal nipples, and they couldn't suck hard enough to get the Y-cut to open. Again, screams of hunger and frustration. No more cereal in the bottles, but they only have really bad spit up on occasion. They'll spit up almost every feeding, but it seems to be less (especially since they're on the soy - the doctor wants them to stay on soy for now). The biggest problem we have with them (especially at night - I read that GERD symptoms tend to be worse at night, joy) is the arching and pain cries. Ducky usually does the screaming, Mikey just arches so bad he nearly tosses himself out of your arms/the chair (he would if he wasn't strapped in), and doesn't want to eat. Infants with GERD either want to eat all the time (it soothes the pain as they're sucking) or very little (the food agitates the reflux). It seems like they go back and forth with it, but mostly don't want to eat. They're gaining weight ok, and I think that makes the doctor feel like it's a slight enough case that they can take their time with it. I'm sorry, but hearing my kids scream and watching them arch so much I wonder if they're going to snap in half is NOT something I can keep doing day after day! I know what it's like to have a fire in your chest. To be so hungry it starts the reflux, and then have it continue because you've eaten. They're just babies. They shouldn't have to suffer. I'm so upset, but I can't make them give me medicine. But I can call them day after day until they get so annoyed they give me the appointment. The boys need to be seen. I need to have them not be in pain all the time.
The weather is not helping. I want to take them outside on walks - get us all some fresh air and get me out of cabin fever mode. But the dreary, rainy, somewhat chilly weather keeps us homebound and I hate it. I hate being cooped up. Adding insult to injury, it just makes me antsy and, I feel, tends to make me get frustrated easier. I have no outlet except for complaining on facebook, and don't get me started on that. I hate feeling like all I do is tell the world I hate my children. I love them, but what we're going through is stressful and I don't know how to handle it. I honestly think that some of my FB friends think I hate my kids. I just need to get it out, for fear I'll explode otherwise. Maybe facebook isn't the best outlet, but I don't think feel like I have any other way.
This is just a phase. It will come to an end. I keep reminding myself that this will not last forever, even though it feels like it will sometimes. Eventually this will just be a memory. One day the boys won't scream every time they eat. ... One day...
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