Again, it's been a while since I've posted. This time due more to stress than anything else. We've been having such issues with the boys. I took them to the doctor (since they've had this cold for well over a month, and all the issues we're having with feedings) and she gave us nebulizers to break up the congestion of the cold, and wants to make appointments for upper GIs to diagnose reflux in the babies. Due to my history of moderate to severe acid reflux, she's pretty sure that's what it is, but we have to wait for the tests in order to get any kind of medicine. As of right now, we don't even have a date on the appointment. I'm calling them every day until I get some kind of resolution. I don't even know what STATE the appointment will be in. They may send us out of state to one of the bigger hospitals. I'm just so upset, because they are having such problems. Ben nearly drove Darius to the ER the other day, because the boy was screaming in pain for so long. It's a fight to get them to eat, and yesterday they only had about 20 ounces. That's it. I've been told at this age the minimum they should be eating is 30. What am I supposed to do? If I try to feed them when they aren't crying for it, they will not eat. Even when they ARE crying for it, they don't eat much. I'm so frustrated. I worry about their brains developing properly, about their growth. If I can't get them to take at least 6 ounces before going to bed, they're up every hour. We have to keep going down and giving them their binkies. And they fall right back to sleep. So it's not even like we could feed them more. They'd just pass out in the first few sips.
I'm getting run down. My lungs started hurting again, I wake with a headache (today was migraine level pain) just about every day, I'm getting body aches - maybe from getting sick, or perhaps just how I'm sleeping. When I actually sleep, I fall so quickly into such a deep sleep that my body doesn't move. I'll usually turn over a few times during the night, which I think keeps my muscles a little loose. When I stay in the same position all night, I wake up feeling sore and hurt all day long. I've gotten to the point where I'm sleeping through them crying because I'm just that tired, and poor Ben jumps up to take care of them until he's so wiped he has to wake me. This morning he came to wake me up because Micah was at the point of hunger and not just fussy for a binky, and I was in so much pain from my headache, and it felt like I'd only slept a few hours. I truly thought it was midnight. I looked at the clock and saw it was 4:45 - normal wake up time for one of them. I'd slept all night, and it felt like I hadn't really slept at all. It was a bad morning. Mikey ate fine, but then was awake and just so babbly. All I wanted was for him to go back to bed so I could try to get a few more hours and hopefully be more awake/in less pain by the time I got up again. At 5:30, he was ready to go back to bed, so I got him down, laid down myself, and slept another one and a half hours. My headache is less, but still so very there, and both boys are currently napping again.
We've tried cereal in the bottles to help with the spit up/reflux, but then the problem was that the nipples would get clogged, and they would scream out of hunger and frustration. Ben bought cereal nipples, and they couldn't suck hard enough to get the Y-cut to open. Again, screams of hunger and frustration. No more cereal in the bottles, but they only have really bad spit up on occasion. They'll spit up almost every feeding, but it seems to be less (especially since they're on the soy - the doctor wants them to stay on soy for now). The biggest problem we have with them (especially at night - I read that GERD symptoms tend to be worse at night, joy) is the arching and pain cries. Ducky usually does the screaming, Mikey just arches so bad he nearly tosses himself out of your arms/the chair (he would if he wasn't strapped in), and doesn't want to eat. Infants with GERD either want to eat all the time (it soothes the pain as they're sucking) or very little (the food agitates the reflux). It seems like they go back and forth with it, but mostly don't want to eat. They're gaining weight ok, and I think that makes the doctor feel like it's a slight enough case that they can take their time with it. I'm sorry, but hearing my kids scream and watching them arch so much I wonder if they're going to snap in half is NOT something I can keep doing day after day! I know what it's like to have a fire in your chest. To be so hungry it starts the reflux, and then have it continue because you've eaten. They're just babies. They shouldn't have to suffer. I'm so upset, but I can't make them give me medicine. But I can call them day after day until they get so annoyed they give me the appointment. The boys need to be seen. I need to have them not be in pain all the time.
The weather is not helping. I want to take them outside on walks - get us all some fresh air and get me out of cabin fever mode. But the dreary, rainy, somewhat chilly weather keeps us homebound and I hate it. I hate being cooped up. Adding insult to injury, it just makes me antsy and, I feel, tends to make me get frustrated easier. I have no outlet except for complaining on facebook, and don't get me started on that. I hate feeling like all I do is tell the world I hate my children. I love them, but what we're going through is stressful and I don't know how to handle it. I honestly think that some of my FB friends think I hate my kids. I just need to get it out, for fear I'll explode otherwise. Maybe facebook isn't the best outlet, but I don't think feel like I have any other way.
This is just a phase. It will come to an end. I keep reminding myself that this will not last forever, even though it feels like it will sometimes. Eventually this will just be a memory. One day the boys won't scream every time they eat. ... One day...
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